She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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