I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
