Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
