so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
