tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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