He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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