You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Randomize
