im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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