I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
