dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
