textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
