I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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