Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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