So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
