i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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