yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
