I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
