Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
