If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
