I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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