Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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