Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
