i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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