I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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