what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
