I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we made out on top of his cat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
