Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
The best revenge is premature balding
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
