It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
