My Higher Power is John Stamos
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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