Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
