how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I love you.
Bad choice
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
