She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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