thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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