Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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