It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
