I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
