so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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