were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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