I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
