Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
