Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
