Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Randomize
