I'm going to jail i love you
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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