david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
