his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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