I faked an abortion last night.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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