Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
