my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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