It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
