You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
