we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
