You just made me feel so damn special
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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