she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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