oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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