today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
