just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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