Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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