and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
