Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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