its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
