rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
vagina is talking i cant
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
