arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
