i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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