Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
