She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
