seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
