dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
