Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
