Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
