I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
