I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
