Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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