Even the bartender felt bad for me
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
