she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
